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Being the tour accountant for Phish must be a brutally thankless job, and it must have been sheer hell during Phish's "final" tour in 2004. Icculus only knows what sorts of unimaginable requests Richard "Dickie Scotland" Glasgow had to entertain from band members and hangers-on over the years. And so the Coventry one-off ditty "The Dickie Scotland Song" stands out as a sweet moment of recognition for not just Glasgow himself, but for all the countless foot soldiers who labored to bring Phish to the stage tour after tour.

If the melody rang a bell, give yourself extra credit. The chords were lifted from the rare and buoyant "Chalk Dust Torture Reprise," which debuted on 12/10/94 at the tour closer in Santa Monica, CA. Like "Dickie Scotland," that song served as backdrop for a lengthy and sincere tribute to the band's crew and back office.

The gist of the original was revisited, ad nauseum, for much of the 9/22/99 soundcheck. But that appearance was a few steps from the sweetness of the original, which had been a fun honorary nod to a crucial team member, during a wild late-show part of the show. This earlier soundchecked version starts out as a fun nod, about getting their per diem, and so perhaps for a moment was honorary… -ish. But then it was minutes and minutes and minutes of vocal larks – about Glasgow and Fishman, about money and food, about Jewishness and… well.. it rambled – as it should, for a soundcheck. We include a transcription as a second “version” in the lyrics, and index them as separate songs in the lyrics index. But if there’s ever a third appearance, it’ll be yet a new version, as we’d be shocked for the band to rehearse and re-perform either of these versions as is. So, for the bean counters seeking a rarity to hunt in their long game, stake your flag on The Third Dickie Scotland Song.

[There are two songs we identify as "Dickie Scotland Song", but which have different music and lyrics. First, the lyrics from the Coventry event:]

Hipsley Hipsley
Scotland Scotland
Scotland and Hipsley
Scotland and Hipsley
Scotland and Hipsley
Scotland and Hipsley

Dickie and Scotland and Hittsley
Dickie Dickie Dickie
Dickie Dickie Dickie
Take me to Scotland
Dickie Dickie Dickie Scotland
Take me to Scotland
Take me to Scotland

Dickie Dickie Dickie Scotland
Dickie Dickie Dickie Scotland
Dickie Dickie Dickie (Scotland)
Dickie Dickie Dickie (Scotland)
Dickie Dickie Dickie (Scotland)
Dickie Dickie Dickie (Scotland)
Scotland
Dickie Dickie Dickie Scotland
Dickie Dickie Dickie Scotland
Dickie Dickie Dickie Scotland
Dickie Dickie Dickie Scotland
Dickie Dickie Dickie Scotland
Scotland
Dickie Dickie Dickie Dickie
Scotland
Dickie Dickie Dickie Scotland
Dickie Dickie Dickie Scotland
Dickie Dickie Dickie Scotland
C'mon
Dickie Dickie Dickie Scotland
C'mon
Dickie Dickie Dickie Scotland
Dickie Dickie Dickie Scotland
Dickie Dickie Dickie Scotland

[And here are the lyrics from the piece listed in the 9/22/99 soundcheck as "Dickie Scotland Song":]

At the Dickie Scotland show
Here he comes
It's gonna be wild and crazy bash
He's gonna count and then
He's gonna give us some cash
We love to see him
We love per diem
At Dickie Scotland's show
The Dickie Scotland show
He carries the cash in a little baggie
He used to be an Aggie
Dickie Scotland show
but the song wouldn't be through
Unless I mention that the Timer was an Aggie too
Ooh the Timer
At the Dickie Scotland show
(Dickie Scotland show)
Dickie Scotland show
(Timer was an Aggie too
Timer was an Aggie too
(Timer was an Aggie too
Timer was an Aggie too
Timer was an Aggie too
(Timer was an Aggie too
Timer was an Aggie too
Timer was an Aggie too
(Dickie Scotland show)
Timer was an Aggie too
(Timer was an Aggie too)
How 'bout you
Oh, I'm an Aggie too
How 'bout you
oooh ooh ooh
We got
How 'bout you
Piano's a gentile
Guitar's a gentile
The bass player is a Jew
(the bass player is a Jew
And the drummer is a Jew, too
(drummer is a Jew too
The drummer is a Jew too
(Jew too ooo hooh)
Jew too
(He's Hebrew)
Jew too (a Jew too, me too)
Yoo hoo
Yoo hoo
Jew too
Jew too
Jew too
Jew too
Jew too
(drummer is Jew too)
Jew too
Oh ooh
Drummer's a Jew
Base is a Jew
Drummer's Jew
Piano and guitar are gentile
Bass is a Jew
The drummers a Jew
It's gonna be a blast
Later in the show
We're gonna play a bit of Jewgrass
Jewgrass
Hava nagila
Hava nagila
Hava nagila
Hava nagila
Hava nagila
Hava nagila
Hava nagila
Hav
Hava nagila
Hava nagila
Hava nagila
Hav
Jew Grass
Jew Grass, whoo
Yoo hoo
Yoo hoo
Jew too
Hava nagila
Hava nagila
Hava
Jewgrass
At the Dickie Scotland show
The Dickie Scotland show
Ooh oh oh
Scotland show
Scotland show
Dickie Scotland show
Oh oh oh
Yee haw
He's an Aggie too
Ooh ooh
Yee haw
Your money is great
Show me the money, Dickie
Show me the money, Dickie
Money
Show me the money, Dickie
Whoo hoo
The money
Whoo hoo
Think I'm gonna buy me a football team
Show me the money, Dickie
Whoo hoo
The money
My brain, your money, his money, Jew money
Here's your money
Here's your money
He's a Jew too