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Like all good song histories, this one will start with an Oom Pah Pah.

Oom Pah Pah, Oom Pah Pah, Oom Pah Pah, Oom Pah Paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

“Harpua” is the most frequently requested Phish song. Insane amounts of ink, paper, balloons, Frisbees, and vocal chords have been wasted in an attempt to get Phish to play this song. Phish is playing to a small crowd? That means that they should play “Harpua” to mock those who blew it off! The attendance set records? They have to play it to please the multitudes. The logical extreme of this can be heard on a heavily circulated audience tape of Big Cypress: during a long lull between songs, one fan screams for his desired song every ten seconds. So what is “Harpua?” What makes people beg for this more than, say, "Jennifer Dances?"

"Harpua" is at its heart a simple tale. Boy gets cat. Boy loves cat. Boy gives cat silly name. Boy lets cat outside. Cat meets dog. Cat loves dog. Dog loves cat... for dinner. Storm passes through. Boy mourns cat. Dad suggests goldfish. Boy mocks dad. Boy gets dog. Fans go nuts. However there’s a lot more going on than that. This – along with “Colonel Forbin’s Ascent” – is one of the few songs where Trey tells us a story. Phish fans are like kids at bedtime. “Tell us a story Uncle Trey,” we cry. When he delivers, it’s always worthwhile.

Watch Harpua on YouTube ”Harpua” 10/31/94 – Glens Falls, NY (Part 1; Part 2)

Early versions of “Harpua” varied little from the basic story. Sure Jimmy would always be listening to a different song on his “stereo” – giving Phish a reason to play snippets of songs such as “Sunshine of Your Love” (11/10/89), “Funkytown” (6/9/90), “Smells Like Teen Spirit" (5/9/92), and “Jimmy Olsen’s Blues” (11/28/92) – but the basic parts of the story stayed pretty much the same for years.

The weirdness crept in slowly. At Red Rocks on 8/20/93, Harpua had shape-shifting powers that he used to turn himself into a giant iguana before being petrified by prehistoric Posterus Nutbagus’s magical gaze. On 7/16/94 (released as Live Phish 02), in honor of the comets that were currently crashing into Jupiter, Poster Nutbag died by being crushed to death by a comet. Halloween '94 revealed that Barney’s Greatest Hits played backwards sounds a whole lot like “War Pigs,” and the following year Mike recited a dream that everyone in Jimmy’s village had about “many raccoons in the bedroom.” The Clifford Ball version ended abruptly mid-tale leaving the entire audience in a state of Harpuius Interruptus, an act so confusing to the fan base that Trey himself felt compelled to make a public statement on the internet. The attempted airplane stunt tied in to the Clifford Ball motto – “A beacon of light in the world of flight.” That motto was actually previewed more than four years earlier, during the “Harpua” at Ziggy’s on 3/26/92, where Trey used the phrase in reference to Page.

These changes were hinting that something had happened to our story. This would be formalized in winter.

Watch Harpua on YouTube ”Harpua” – 12/6/96, Las Vegas, NV

The first clue happened in Vegas on 12/6/96. There, “Harpua” was played with the help of members of Primus, yodeling cowgirls and singing Elvii. Never mind our story, we have to have Fishman duel with the Elvis impersonators. Although wounded, the obituary didn’t run until 12/29/96. There, Trey told the crowd that he was going to ditch the preliminaries to get to the “meat of the story.” If we didn’t know it, he suggested that we ask our neighbor to tell it to us. Like Calvin’s dad asked to read Hamster Huey and the Gooey Kablooie one time too many, Trey was just sick of telling this. He knew that we all knew it and the days of the audience being amused by just mentioning the name “Poster Nutbag” were over. As the story unfolded about the Über Demon Tom Marshall, an era was ending.

Perhaps it’s due to this perception that a more interesting story would be needed, but “Harpua” took to hiding in the hall closet after this performance. Excluding finishing off the Clifford Ball version at The Great Went, “Harpua” has only made eight more appearances to date. The pent up desire created by the rarity of its performances is amplified by the fact that most of them were amazing.

On 12/30/97 at MSG Trey told a long but fascinating story that started out sounding like a plausible tale of growing up with a TV (and one of Trey's favorite shows, Lost in Space) and a grilled cheese fascination, but slowly got more and more surreal, revealing the "Pentagram Harpua," a guest appearance by Tom singing "I'm Gonna Be 500 Miles" and setting up the "Udder Ball" NYE gag the next night. Many call this the best “Harpua” ever. 

Watch Harpua on YouTube ”Harpua” -> “Bittersweet Motel” -> “Harpua” – 7/29/03 Burgettstown, PA

The Utah “Harpua” on 11/2/98 isn’t that impressive as a story, but it sandwiches a surprise performance of Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon in its entirety; the segue from “Eclipse” back into “Harpua” is particularly impressive. This show is often cited as the epitome of YSYL ("You Snooze You Lose") given the half-full venue two days after the much-hyped Halloween performance in Vegas, the trip from which formed the basis of Jimmy's story in Utah.

Many fans speculated that our favorite dog wouldn’t re-appear post hiatus. Those fears were assuaged on 7/29/03. Sure the story committed the ultimate heresy in letting Poster and Harpua live together, and seemed to exist solely to poke fun at the parking lot rumors of Fishman’s interest in forming... close bonds with... "certain elements" of the fan base. But it’s an increasingly rare modern example of Phish returning to the silliness of their early days. Besides, the point of the “Fooled Around and Fell in Love” speech (“And then basically God handed him a little girl, and this big girl, and maybe another ten girls or something, maybe boys, who knows…”) is supposed to be “Jimmy” finding that the purpose of his life is in loving his family and children, not his interest in finding more fans with whom he could have "intimate relations." Get your head out of the gutter!

Perhaps most surprising at all was the Alpharetta performance on the 4th of July, 2010. Yes, the "Killing in the Name" was impressive and got a massive crowd response, but the real news for puppy fans – especially on the heels of the nearly story-less 8/16/09 SPAC performance a year earlier – was the focus on the classic tale. Yes, there was some wackiness about the holiday and the "true history" of the United States, but that was more of a flavor to the tale than a replacement. 

Watch Harpua on YouTube ”Harpua” -> “Killing in the Name” – 7/4/10 Alpharetta, GA

That might have been a one time experience. The next version on 6/19/11 in Portsmouth, VA didn't repeat the story at all – there wasn't even the traditional cover song break – but rather took advantage of Father's Day to have the role of the dad in the story performed by the actual fathers of the band. Jack McConnell really got into it, saying, "Your goddamn cat died," causing the crowd to go wild and Trey to crack up.

Two years later, Trey was left out of it completely. In the midst of a rain plagued tour that caused a show to be delayed, one to be shortened, and another to have a long set break, the temptation to announce, “Look, the storm’s gone,” could not be resisted. Mike had performed with Chicago’s improvisation troupe Second City after the first two nights of a three show Chicago run; 7/21/13 was their chance to return the favor. A prank was set up early in the show where Trey pretended to not understand a sign. Later that night it made sense that a different sign saying, “Poster Nutbag – The Right Way,” would also cause confusion. At first it seemed like Trey was just asking for an explanation as he invited the fans to explain the message, but as they started to tell the purported real story of “Harpua,” it became obvious that this was planned. They went off on a tangent, which devolved into a rap from the character of Al Gore and then the chanting of “Kittens,” and “Puppies.” Unfortunately, thirteen-year-old political humor didn’t appeal to the crowd in general; it went over so poorly, that some fans speculated that it was intentionally bad as a message that fans need to stop demanding that Phish do their bidding.

After they left the stage, Mike described their appearance as “odd.” He was then egged on to tell the story himself. It was a surreal telling, as anyone who has ever read a Mike’s Corner would expect. Regardless of where people fell on liking or hating the Second City guest appearance, most loved the Mike story variant. Rumors of a fan group named “People for a More Talkative Mike” forming are unconfirmed at this time.

Watch Harpua on YouTube ”Harpua” – 6/19/11, Portsmouth, VA (Part 1) (Part 2)

Harpua always has an element of surprise, but never more so than on 9/6/15. Up against Dick’s midnight curfew on the final night of the run, Phish came out for the encore and played “Tweezer Reprise.” Many people assumed it would be a one song encore, but instead “Harpua” made its first Colorado appearance since 8/20/93 at Red Rocks. This version got complicated. First playing “After Midnight” as the song on Jimmy’s stereo, the story became about how Jimmy was a transplant from the East Coast who needed an oxygen tank to deal with altitude issues. Unfortunately his source from the lot that he purchased from was less than reputable; while the tank contained the desired oxygen, it also had some extra nitrogen thrown in for free. This led Phish to segue into “NO2” and then the first “Keyboard Army” since 1995.

By now people – especially those who were following Trey’s seemingly random advice to only write “Harpua” once on their setlists – were suspecting that something beyond a usual “Harpua” was happening. Trey moved the story back into a normal “Harpua” area, but almost immediately let it get derailed into pondering the nature of pet cats, a line of thought that led to “Your Pet Cat.” So we’ve had a surprise “Harpua” that had a series of rare songs played in the middle of it. However, it’s after “Your Pet Cat” where things really got weird.

Much akin to the 10/31/95 “Baby Raccoons” story, Mike starts relating a dream landscape. In this case, he’s walking backstage looking for a quick snack before soundcheck. Alas his vegan treat turned out to have some animal product in it; the still living Poster Nutbag was mixed in. Sorry Jimmy, but “Little PN” is now dead, because the bassist needed nourishment.

Watch Harpua on YouTube ”Harpua” 7/21/13 Chicago, IL

The weirdness wasn’t quite over yet. As the “dog in the station” section of the song was about to be played, Trey said that Jimmy was reflecting on life. What was he considering? The existential quandaries were quite similar to those in the lyrics of “Once In a Lifetime.” Sure, they’ve busted songs out in this Harpua, but there’s no way that they’re going to play this for the first time since 10/31/96. On this night, anything was possible as indeed, they broke it out. This performance can charitably be described as sloppy, but few fans were in any sort of mood to complain, especially when they sung the Harpua concluding, “A DOG” over the end.

To end the half hour encore, one of the best in Phish’s history, Trey gave a heartfelt thanks for the community that has been built up around the band and the great summer that we just experienced. One final cover – Brotherhood of Man’s “United We Stand” – was played, complete with a soaring solo, causing the entire encore (providing you followed Trey’s advice) to spell out THANK YOU. The spelling game that was ignored at the first Dick’s show finally appeared in the encore of the last. There would be no controversy over this “Harpua,” just pure bliss.

While there was some concern among the more literal-minded fans that Trey’s comment from Star Lake that “there’s one story that is thus yet untold” meant that performance would be “Harpua's” last, later versions showed that the occasional urge to tell a story still exists. When we’ve all given up on it for the current year, it’ll come out at a random show:

Oom Pah Pah, Oom Pah Pah, Oom Pah Pah, Oom Pah Paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

(Anastasio/Fishman)

Oompapa Oompapa Oompapa Oompapa-aaaah
Fat sweaty bulldog
Stood in the sun
Stone village swamp man
Slow motion run
Tender poke police walker
Precious birthday fudge
Swamp night
Bull nail
Walker done done

Me and Harpua
We couldn't care (few-a)
It happens all the time
We beat Okemo
Me and Harpua
We couldn't care (few-a)
It happens all the time
We beat Akibo

Hot liquor stone jack
Bitter toothless flesh
Shabby pimple chin-slime
Evil milky rash

Me and Harpua
Spastic dead-eyed hound
Oozing dreadlock skullcap
We're coming to your town
We'll help you party down

Me and Harpua
We couldn't care (few-a)
It happens all the time
We beat Akibo
Me and Harpua
We couldn't care (few-a)
It happens all the time
We beat Akibo

[Narration]

Look, the storm's gone...
Dad...
Jimmy...
Yes, Dad
Jimmy, I have some bad news...
What is it, Dad?
It's about your cat... Poster...
Poster Nutbag?
Your cat died!
Poster is dead
Poster is dead
Poster's SOooooo dead
How about a goldfish?
I don't want a goldfish
I don't want a goldfish
I don't want a goldfish
I want.... a dog... A dog... a dog

There's a dog in the station
With an ugly mutation
And it needs lubrication each day
There's a dog in the station
Contemplating rotation
As a form of recreation and play
A dog
There's a dog in the station
With a bad reputation
It's a sign of the nation's decay
But the dog in the station
Doesn't need a vacation
As the people rush by
dressed in gray
A DOG
A DOG
A DOG!!